Jacqui's Mostly Useless Site of Randon Information (MUSORI)

Professionals Turn the Light off when you leave...!
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Depends. What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?	A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?	A1: How many can you afford? A2: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Q: How many Mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?	A: In earlier work, Someone [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb. If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Depends on what you want to change it into
Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.
Q: How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and.....
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going "To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A1: Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away, without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the lightbulb's best interests at heart. A2: Four. One to change the bulb, one to counsel the old bulb because it's been thrown away by an uncaring society, one to arrange the case conference and one to make sure they are all following the correct working practice.
Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?	A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb so it'll be architecturally accurate.
Q: How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
Q: How many signal processing engineers does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Three. One to Fouriev transform the lightbulb, one to apply a complex exponential rotational shifting operator, and one to inverse transform the removed lightbulb.
Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None. It isn't rocket science, you know.
Q: How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Only one, but he'll tell everybody.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Four. Three to cut a hole in the roof and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Seventeen. "Do YOU have a problem with that!"
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the follow- ing agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumina- tion of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement be- tween the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps: 1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the afore- mentioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout. 2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes. 3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non- negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".
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