Jacqui's Mostly Useless Site of Randon Information (MUSORI)

Political Turn the Light off when you leave...!
Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?	A1: Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up. A2: 29. One liberal plus twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Four. One to screw it in and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
Q: How many Labour MPs does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame the failure of the old bulb on the Tory party who put the original bulb in place 17 years ago.
Q. How many Labour Cabinet Ministers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None. Tony Blair doesn't like to share the limelight.
Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?	A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: None. Congress is responsible for the dark and the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs.
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?	A1: Two -- One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues. m A2: None -- He'll only promise "change." A3: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.
Q: How many US presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?	A: 220. One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates can't even spell "lightbulbe", eighteen to find out what the other candidates did when the lightbulb failed, and another two hundred to find out what the other candidate's families think about lightbulbs, bulbs, pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
Q: How many Dan Quayles does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?	A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.
Q: How many Reagans does it take to change a light bulb?	A: What light bulb?
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A1: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again. A2: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
. Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Libertarians never change light bulbs, because someone might enter the room who wants to sit in the dark.
Q: How many union members does it take to change a light bulb?	A1: Are you kidding? A2: 50. Q2: Why 50? A3: It's in the contract.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
Q: How many Maoists does it take to change a lightbulb?	A: One to screw in the bulb and a thousand to chant "fight darkness."
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: None, because inside every light bulb lie the seeds to its own revolution.
Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A1: Two - one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets. A2: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.
Q: How many KGB agents does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two. One to change it and the other to check for bugs.
Q: How many radical feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: That's not funny!
Q: How many Anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: ALL of them!!
Q: How many Home Secretaries does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: One. After they sack someone else for letting it go out.
Q: How many environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: If the light bulb is out, that's the way Nature intended it!
Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: 252. One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an American light bulb.
Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: 10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
Q: How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?	A: 6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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