Jacqui's Mostly Useless Site of Randon Information (MUSORI)

Other People Turn the Light off when you leave...!
Q: How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the mineral water.
Q: How many jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None, I'll just sit here in the dark..
Q: How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
Q: How many necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?	A1: None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs. A2: Just one. Excuse me, but could you please test the socket with your finger while I get a new bulb?
Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
. Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.
Q: How many trainspotters does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Three. One to change it, one to write its serial number down, and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.
Q: How many valley girls does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Oooh, like manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! Fer shure!
: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?	A: 10. One to hold the bulb and the other nine to rotate the ladder.
Q: How many strong men does it take to change a light bulb?	A: 100. One to hold the bulb and the other 99 to rotate the house.
Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet. v
Q: How many divorcees does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: None. The sockets all went with the house.
Q: How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?	A: Three, one to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to shriek "Fabulous!"
Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?	A: one.
Q: How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?
Q: How many inner-city gang members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?	A: Four-one to rob the liquor store to get money for the bulb, one to drive the getaway car, one to screw it in, and one to hold his crack pipe while he does it.
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?	A: WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to say "here's one we did earlier"
Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer is actually none. They're just faking it.
Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?	A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.
Q: How many Dario Argento fans does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Two. One to change it and one to film the demise of the old one in explicit gorey detail, using obscure camera angles.
Q: How many schizophreniacs does it take to change a lightbulb?	A: Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him, so....
Q: How many people with multiple personality disorder does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: One, but they're really three
Q: How many manic-depressives does it take to change a lightbulb?	A: Only one, but they keep changing it back and forth between the new and old bulbs.
Q: How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up.
Q: How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye.
Q: How many waitresses does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Three. Two to stand around bitching about it and one to go get the manager.
Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?	A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
Q: How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Five. One to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.
Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: One - but he has to wait until the light is better.
Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably won't work either.
Q: How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.
Q: How many sex therapists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two - one to screw it in and one to tell him he's screwing it in the wrong way.
Q: How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman on club the other skater on the knee.
Top