Jacqui's Mostly Useless Site of Randon Information (MUSORI)

Favourites Turn the Light off when you leave...!
Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?	A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Fifteen. One to screw it in and fourteen to set up a select committee to discuss all the different types of bulbs available.
Q. How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: One. Tony Blair doesn't like to share the limelight.
Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Libertarians never change light bulbs, because someone might enter the room who wants to sit in the dark.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: None, because inside every light bulb lie the seeds to its own revolution.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a lightbulb? .	A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need lightbulbs again
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Six. One to screw it in and five to share the experience.
Q: How many people from Sicily does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many polite Glaswegians does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Both of them.
Q: How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?	A: None. The new lightbulb is a feature of Windows XP, and you must upgrade to get it.
Q: How many database programmers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to write a program insuring that no one else changes the bulb at the same time.
Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old one was.
Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
. Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.
Q: How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?	A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.
. Q: How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.
Q: How many company biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Four; one to write the proposal, one to design the bulb-changer, one to design the bulb-fetcher, and one to design the bulb.
.. Q: How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: One; he designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one and screw itself in.
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.
Q: How many Cardassians does it take to change a lightbulb?	A1: Four, because THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS...!!!
Q: How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Depends. What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?	A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?	A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?	A: Two. That's all that will fit.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.
Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?	A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
Q: How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many MicroSoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.
Q: How many MicroSoft tech support people dies it take to change a light bulb?	A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be 4 or 5 things wrong...have you tried the light switch
Q: How many MicroSoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?	A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.
Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?	A: You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.
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