A1: None. It's a hardware problem.

A2: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project

A1: None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.

A2: None. They always work in the dark.

Q: How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.

Q: How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

A: The Helpdesk has received your request concerning your hardware problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.

A: None, they just deny everyone access to the area served by the light bulb in question.

Q: How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 10 push bulb upwards:twist bulb clockwise

20 goto 10

Q: How many FORTRAN programs does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to write a program insuring that no one else changes the bulb at the same time.

A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed. ?

A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be 4 or 5 things wrong...have you tried the light switch

A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.

A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that MicroSoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

A: We just determine that the room is dark; we don't actually change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working on a bug fix.

A: We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days. If you call before 2 PM, and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don't forget to put your name in the upper right hand corner of the light bulb box.

A: One. But they'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.

A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to determine what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

A: Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the tee-shirts.

A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

A1: Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.

A2: It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working.

A3: We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?

A4: Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one lightbulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change.

A5: Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.

A6: Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.

A: 400. 1 to change the bulb, 50 to write a magazine about it, 50 to write a help file about it, 50 to code a little gadget so when you hit the bulb it will announce all the names of the team involved, 50 to go down to the drinks machine and get everyone their can of coke, 50 to show off about how installing a light bulb for Bill has made them paper millionaires, 1 to answer the phone at the help desk ("Putting you through to our light bulb expert sir... click"), 148 to pad out the pictures in the "Light Bulb - how we did it" magazine.

A: You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.

Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle etc.

Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to turn on a light bulb?